The Jay Leno Show

      ● President Obama’s approval rating hit a new low of 47 percent, according to the latest Gallup poll. But White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said that a 6-year-old with a crayon could come up with the same poll results. I bet it’s the same 6-year-old with a crayon that came up with the last budget.

      ● Speaking on the budget in his speech on the economy this week, President Obama said that we have to continue to “spend our way out” of this recession. I don’t know much about economics, but aren’t we like a trillion dollars in debt? Spending our way out of the recession? Isn’t that like trying to drink your way out of alcoholism?

      ● At the Copenhagen climate summit, they’re talking about saving the environment. The delegates had 1,200 limos and 140 private jets. Or as they call that in Malibu, Earth Day.

      ● According to a new study, text messages now outnumber cell phone calls 3-to-1. And that’s just while driving.

      ● The weather in Los Angeles was unseasonably cold, with temperatures this morning in the 40s. As a result, the city of Los Angeles has applied for federal disaster relief.

      ● Rush Limbaugh says that black people are depressed because President Obama isn’t doing a very good job. Proving once again that no one has their finger on the pulse of the African-American community like Rush Limbaugh.

      ● Domino’s Pizza has pulled their commercials from the MTV show “Jersey Shore” because they say it portrays Italian-Americans in a negative light. In a related story Italy has asked Domino’s to stop portraying pizza in a negative light.

      ● People are speculating that Tiger Woods and his wife are thinking of moving to Sweden. Because if there’s one place to get away from hot blondes, it’s Sweden.

Top Ten Signs The Nobel Prize Has Gone To President Obama’s Head

10. Ends every argument with, “Yeah, and how many Nobel Prizes have you won?”
9. Announced plans to send 30,000 troops to Target to do his Christmas shopping
8. Thinks he also has a good shot at winning the Heisman Trophy
7. Gave himself a $10 billion bailout
6. Last night he crashed a party thrown by the Salahis
5. Spending fewer hours at work than Bush
4. Hired scientists to make his Nobel Prize capable of holding 10,000 songs
3. Now refers to his abs as “The Situation”
2. Sits around all day massaging his cat
1. Claims he can bring peace to Tiger Woods’ house

      ● A guy in Las Vegas is suing Caesar’ s Palace for losing $125 million gambling. Lehman Brothers heard about it and said, “Amateur.”

      ● Barack Obama is going to accept his Nobel Peace Prize tomorrow. As you know, the Nobel Prize is a predictor of the Academy Awards.

      ● Only two other presidents have won the Nobel Prize. Woodrow Wilson, who was credited for ending World War I, and Teddy Roosevelt for inventing the teddy bear.

      ● The Salahis, the couple that trashed the White House dinner party recently, are going to be subpoenaed by the House Homeland Security Committee. And I’m thinking, “Why bother? They’ll probably show up anyway.”

      ● A new poll shows that Obama has the lowest approval rating of any first-year president. Things are so bad that today he said the surge in Afghanistan was all Tiger Woods’ idea.

      ● A man in Scotland admitted to police that he filmed himself having sex with his dog. He claimed he was filming the sequel to “Must Love Dogs.”

      ● It’s been announced that in 2010, the soap opera “As the World Turns” will be canceled. That’s terrible! It’s a soap opera. Can’t they just put it in a coma or something?

      ● It’s cold in L.A., this morning. It would be beach weather in Minnesota, but it’s cold for us.

      ● It’s so cold, many commuters were forced to use their medical marijuana cards to scrape the frost off their windshields.

      ● Chicago is getting hit especially hard. More than 200 flights were canceled out of O’Hare today. It’s God versus Oprah.

      ● Us Weekly puts the Tiger Woods mistress count at 12 so far. It was 11 this morning, now it’s 12. When did he have time to play golf?

      ● In a speech in Washington, President Obama said, “We are all in a very different place than we were in a year ago.” And Tiger Woods said, “Yeah, you could say that . . .”

      ● Tiger’s wife reportedly moved out of their house in Florida and bought a $2 million mansion in Sweden. It’s on an island so remote, there are only five women there who will have affairs with Tiger.

      ● This is interesting: Congress was hard at work yesterday — Congress — trying to figure out a fair play-off system for college football. Meanwhile, the NCAA spent the afternoon kicking around ideas on how to win the war in Afghanistan.

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